I UNDERSTAND CHEMISTRY!!! ......kinda

It was amazing. Everything just kind of made sense after awhile! Every time my friend Ashley and I got something right on the worksheets, we loudly congratulated ourselves/each other with high-five's while yelling, "YESS!"At the same time, our teacher was laughing at us, but that's besides the point here.The point is I may actually have a shot at passing this class which is fantastic!

I feel happy

I'm beginning to come to terms with the fact that I’m somewhat content with where I am in life right now. I feel happy on a regular basis, and I find myself rarely dwelling on the ‘what if’s’ and ‘what could have been’s’ anymore. I still have those moments every once in a while, but that’s normal, right? The people I’ve surrounded myself with are amazing and I love every single one of them. I love knowing that they will be willing to catch me if I fall. (I really hope that’s not any time soon, though). I'm starting to feel like I finally know what I want to get out of high school and what's truly important to me.

I’m a different person than I was a year ago. I have a different outlook on life, relationships, and people over all. I know I’m stronger than I give myself credit for, and I feel as though I’ve grown into a better person. I’ve made friends, I’ve made enemies, I’ve done things I’m not entirely proud of and I’ve experienced things that have forever shaped my life. All I want now is to better my relationship with God, and allow Him to guide me through things I’ve always felt I had to face alone.  

 I like to think I know everything about everything, like who to trust, how to help friend’s with their relationships, and chemistry, but I clearly don’t. Every day is a learning experience and I’m trying to take it one day at a time. Even though that doesn’t always happen, I really am trying.

I know I'm still young, and I have a life's worth of experiences ahead of me, but I feel as though I have just enough under my belt to make the decisions I'm trying to make. These past few years have been up and down and what I want more than ever is some consistency. I want my life to stay the way it is, just for a few months. That's all I ask. 

Amen

Save me, San Francisco

I need to get out of this boiling pot they call the Valley. This heat just isn't workin' for me anymore. I need to take two weeks off of school and life and just go to San Francisco to relax. Oh, how I miss that city so. There's just so many good things in that city if you just look past the hobos!

For example, good things:
-China town
-Pier 39
-CREPES OMGZ
-The 60 degree weather!
-Union Square's shopping
-Little Italy
-Giant's, 'nuff said.
-Fisherman's Wharf
-The Golden Gate and Bay bridges
-The night skyline
-Cable cars

I want to go to SF so badly it isn't even funny anymore. It's only 200 miles away but it's a complete escape to me. I love busy city atmosphere and how everyone always walks with a purpose (aside from the hobos of course), in a way it calms me. I love the feeling of being on the go and having to be somewhere at a certain time.

I am most definitely leaving this place and going up north to SF if I can. I am absolutely, 100% in love with big cities and cold/cool weather on a regular basis. What place has both? SAN FRANCISCO! I'm going crazy just thinking of the idea of leaving and road-trippin' up there. If I ever run away, go to San Francisco. That's where I'll be.

It's one of my favorite cities of all time and I'd do anything to go, even for a day.

How I feel right now:

That is all. 

I sound funny

I have had a sore throat for the past two days, and when I woke up, I barely had a voice. My voice is all raspy sounding and I probably sound like a man on the phone. I tired talking all day to make my voice sound somewhat normal, and it's only improved a bit. I hate being sick and I hate sounding funny. 

No me gusta.

I need a friend

I want a fish. I want a fish REALLY bad. I don't even care that they don't do anything, that's how bad I want one. I need someone to talk to who won't talk back. Somewhat like Mr. Singer from The Heart is a Lonely Hunter! But I don't want it to be a person, I want it to be a fishie! I don't want just the traditional goldfish you win at the fair, I want those really cool looking ones that no one's ever seen before so when I show people my fish they'll say, "Omg! I've never seen those kinda fish before! Where'd you get them?!" It's a total conversation starter then I'll be able to make more friends!

This is the type of fish I want:

Awesome right?! With a fantabulous fish like this I can't have just the average fish bowl. I would need something that's just as stellar, if not more, than this fish. 

Which basically means this: 

DOESN'T THAT JUST SCREAM AWESOME?!

So all I need now is for someone to buy me some magnificent fish and for someone else to buy me a mind-blowing fish tank. Please and thank you! 

My birthday's coming up ya know.... 

School, Smchool

Today was the first day of my sophomore year and I already have homework. However, I'm currently practicing my procrastination skills.

My day in a snapshot:
-Actually woke up at 6am
-Got eaten in the halls because people can't see me due to my lack of height
-Tons of people, including two of my friends, got dress-coded for their shorts. (Hehe, I didn't.)
-Embraced the most amazing air-borne hug of all time from mah girl Chelsea Cook!
-My AP World class is by far my favorite. My teacher is naturally sarcastic and it is absolutely amazing.
-I was given free hot cheetos. (Always, always a good thing)
-The majority of my teachers do not care if we eat in class. Absolute win.
-I became satisfied with my classes and the people in them while eating a hot pocket.
-Katy Perry's Last Friday Night was stuck in my head ALL DAY. I started singing, "skinny dipping in the dark" out loud in chemistry... Awkward? Never.

I don't know whether or not to be fully excited about this school year. I'm definitely happy to be back and have the ability to see my friends everyday, but the con to this pro is the amount of stress and work that comes along with it. Don't get me wrong, I love taking honors and AP classes because the people in the classes are all there for the same reason and they're great people all around but sometimes you just want to punch the wall because of all the work you have to do for one class alone, not to mention the other 5 and the extra circular stuff.

On a happier note, I AM SO EXCITED FOR MOCK TRIAL!

Hopefully this year will be just swell, and be 410384913 times better than freshman year.


p.s. If I Die Young by The Band Perry is an amazing song. It's kinda old, get over it. I love it and I'm not suicidal I promise.

I'm getting a tad impatient...

Dear State Test scores,
WHY HAVE YOU NOT COME IN YET?! It's mid-August and I took your tests in April. Or May. Something like that... Anyways! There is no reason why you haven't been delivered to my house yet saying, "To the Parent or Legal Guardian of Samantha Martinez." It's a bubble sheet, and I'm pretty sure it doesn't take 4 months to scan. Bottom line, please hurry up.
Love Always,
Sam

I want

I want to go somewhere far away. I want to go somewhere where I have a purpose. I want to go someplace without my parents, family, and without my friends. Somewhere I can just venture off on my own for a few weeks and take control of my life. I wish someone would drop me in the middle of a beautiful city, like San Francisco or downtown Minneapolis, and say “have at it.” But most importantly, I want to be trusted enough to do so.

I want to meet new people who will inspire me. I want to meet creative and artistic people, the kind who aren’t easy to come across in the Central Valley. I want to meet the people who are overlooked by society, the ones who are beautiful in their own ways, and I want to remind them of how amazing they are. I want everyone to know that someone will always think they’re breath-taking, even when they don’t think so themselves. Why? Because I believe it’s their right to know they’re loved in one way or another.  

I want to learn. I want learn about everything: books, history, art, and everything in between. I want to be a walking encyclopedia. I want to be the person in class everyone hates because they know everything and any given subject. But most importantly, I want to learn about myself. I want to see how far this world can push me until I crack. I want to know how strong I really am, mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I want to be the one who knows every little detail about you. The person who knows all your hopes and dreams, the one who knows your biggest achievements and your greatest failures. I want to be the one you can lean on, the person who will be there to catch you when you fall. I want to be the one who’s always going to be by your side. I want to be the person you can trust to tell everything to. I want you to vent to me about anything and everything, because I want you to know all your secrets are safe with me.

I want to experience a city like I’ve never done before. I want someone who will make me want to be a better person. I want to be filled with knowledge. I want to be tested. I want to be trusted. And I want to be loved. 

Please forgive my absence

     It's been awhile since I've posted something completely irrelevant to a normal person's daily life, and I do apologize for that. I am going to TRY to get back into the groove of posting every couple days or so, however, I make no promises.
     I find it ironic and kind of funny how I speak (more like type, but you get the idea) as though people actually read my blog. I probably have all of two people who read this, if that. To be honest, I kind of like it that way. The less people the better! Why? I'm the kind of person who keeps a lot of the more serious, heart-felt thoughts and feelings to myself and since I'm not real big on sharing those thoughts with other people, I created this blog sort of like an outlet to share and express myself. I'd rather share the random and unimportant assessments of my mind with the complete strangers of the World Wide Web than with people who are familiar with me and would have a to chance to ask things like, "What did you mean?", and "What's wrong, are you okay?" Sometimes, things just aren't worth explaining.
     Considering it's just about 1am, I'm going to call it a night and a successful attempt at blogging. It is very much so past my bed time and I am just plain pooped from the events of the day (Even though I really didn't do much, shh!).
     As they say on Wipeout, "Goodnight, and big balls"