I'm sorry

I'm sorry I'm not perfect.
I'm sorry I'm not the kindest person.
I'm sorry I can be selfish.
I'm sorry I'm not normal.
I'm sorry I'm not scared to stick up for what I believe in
I'm sorry I'm not afraid of people judging me.
I'm sorry I don't always act my age.
I'm sorry I just want to have fun sometimes.
I'm sorry I'm annoying.
I'm sorry I want/need to get stuff done.
I'm sorry I'm not a prep.
I'm sorry I don't fit into your stereotype.
I'm sorry I care about my grades in school.
I'm sorry I'm not quiet.
I'm sorry I'm loud.
I'm sorry I'm stubborn.
I'm sorry I'm not afraid of cookies.
I'm sorry I'm not a genius child.
I'm sorry I have emotions.
I'm sorry I just need to cry every once in a while.
I'm sorry I'm not good at controlling how I feel.
I'm sorry I'm not always proper.
I'm sorry I don't "dress to impress"
I'm sorry I'm not the cleanest eater.
I'm sorry I struggle in school.
I'm sorry I'm not the perfect daughter.
I'm sorry I'm not a size 0
I'm sorry I don't hide myself with make-up.
I'm sorry I have needs.
I'm sorry I'm a girl.
I'm sorry I'm not exactly what you had in mind.
I'm sorry I'm me.

I have fantastic news!

Are you ready? Ya sure? It's pretty big...

Okay Ill tell you! IM GOING TO SAN FRANCISCO THIS WEEKEND!

I am so excited you don't even know. I basically screamed when my mom told me! AHHHHH! Oh that just made my day. I can't wait to be in cool weather in my favorite city. Ohmagaaa I am seriously exploding with excitement.

Excuse me while I do my happy dance.

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My life is being taken over by school, family, mock trial, student council, and my weak immune system. I have so much to do and so little time to do it! Story of a high school-er's life. Getting sick was just an extra bonus! On the bright side, because I was sick I slept from 9pm to 6:30am Thursday night. I haven't slept for long uninterrupted in years. I was wonderful :)


Other than that I'm kinda just all over the place. When I'm at school with friends, I feel great, happy even. But when I get home, everything changes. I feel alone and as though I'm facing the world on my own. I'm getting disconnected with my family because of all my responsibilities and commitments. The other night my dad said to me, "Just be a kid" and I remember thinking how those days are long gone. As much as I wish that wasn't the case, it's better to face reality then deny it. I'm just trying to take life as it comes and hopefully I won't get screwed over. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

In other news, tonight is my granny's surprise party! SO EXCITED. She seriously has no idea, it'll be fabulous!

I hope you all have beautiful days!

Grandma's are just beautiful people

My family and I are planning a surprise birthday party for my granny. Her birthday is September 14, thus the party is September is the 17th. Everyone has their own part or "job" to contribute to her/the party. Mine was taking everything us grand kids love most about her and putting it together into poem. As I was writing, I couldn't stop crying. (Note that it took me 2-3 hours to write it...) My granny means everything and I mean everything to me. She has always been my rock, my motivation, and my inspiration. Everything I do is for her, to make her proud, to show her how far I've come as a person. I love her more than anyone or anything in the world. She is the absolute strongest woman I have ever met and she never fails to surprise me everyday of my life. She is truly beautiful on the inside and out and I'm proud to be her grandchild.

Here's the poem, it means a lot to me to have written this for her and I can't wait to read it to her on Saturday.

From Our Hearts, To Yours 

Granny, 

You've taught us all so much through the years, 

And I hope this will express how we truly feel.

Your strength and determination,

To allow nothing to tear our family apart, 

Has shown us how blood is thicker than water.

Your willingness to teach, 

And patience that shows,

Gives us hope and joy,

When we learn how things go.

The way you cook,

With a sprinkle of salt,

And a dash of love,

Fills our tummies as well as our hearts. 

Your one-of-a-kind humor,

Shows us your inner child,

Which gives us trust,

To place in you.

They way you're there for us all,

To lend a hand or be our rock,

Has given us the strength,

To carry on.

Your open ears,

Warm heart,

And nonjudgmental soul 

Have and will forever be there to guide us in the good times and the bad.

The way you love us unconditionally,

Whether we've earned an award,

Or accidentally broken a glass,

Has made us forever in debt to you. 

Remember:

You know my name, not my story
You've heard what I've done,
Not what I've been through. 

Oh, SF, how I need you....

I need to get away more than ever right now. I don't know how to explain how I feel right now, but crappy seems to sum it up alright. Quite honestly if I had the money, I'd already be on a train to SF. I just want to leave with Sebastian and never come back. I feel like I need to make an account with emergency money for when I really do run away, cause at some point I will, and that will cost money.

I've just had a really bad day.... and yes, it is my birthday. Sucks, right?!

My motto is now complete

So for about a week now, I've been telling my best friend my life motto is "Forever alone....... With my fish! ><>", but I didn't have a fish..... And now I do!!! Motto/life=COMPLETE.

His name is Sebastian and he is wonderful! I'm going to treat him like my son. Go ahead, judge me. I know you already did when you read my motto.... It's okay, nothing new.

Big thank you to Emily Li for getting me this wonderful fishie!

Remember what I said yesterday?

About chemistry? Yeah, forget about it. Throw it away. Make it disappear. Hasta la bye bye.

So I'm starting my chem homework, excited that I "understand" it n all, and as I'm reading #1, I realize I know nothing. Absolutely nothing. I don't know how to set up the problem, nor what they want from me.... Either I literally know nothing or it's a new concept, but I'm pretty sure it's a combination of the two. So now I'm sitting here texting my friends to see if they know what to do, and guess what! THEY DON'T. Fabulous. If you tutor or know anyone who does, please let me know! Or if you wanna get a study group together that'd be awesome! Now if you don't mind I'm gonna go cry and try not to soak my homework....

Never gets old

These are my favorite songs of all time. They never fail to hit the spot when I just wanna relax and listen to good music. I'd rather listen to slow songs with meaning then a song that says the same thing 5,000 times, if you can even understand what's being said at all. The lyrics in these songs really just spoke to me and I feel like I can relate to them in one way or another. Enjoy!

 Yes, some of these songs are a million years old, but I don't care! They're fantastic!

P.S. Happy September!